oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
