I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
