i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
