I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
