Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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