You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
