C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
