I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
