my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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