No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
