Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
