no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
