I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
