Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
