we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
