college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
