I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
