you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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