Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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