literally had 100 drinks last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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Reggie can tackle my bush.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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