So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
