A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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