I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
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My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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