His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize