i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
