I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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