So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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