You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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