ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
