Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
