That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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