Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
