I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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