everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
