Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
a search helicopter?!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
