I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
