K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
