I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
