who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
