Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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