the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
