Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
