today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
