It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
