It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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