Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
