i just google imaged poop.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
