I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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