I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
