dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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