people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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