im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
