Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
