Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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