Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
