I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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