Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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