She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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