If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
